The Ultimate Breakup Question – Why??

While every breakup is different, we are all always asking the same things. 

WHY ME? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME?

When you think about it, breaking up is really all about individual perspective. Most of us have broken up with somebody in our life – some of us with more than one somebody. And no matter what reasons you had at the time – at the end of the day, you did for whatever reasons those were. You broke their heart and they became an ex.

When you start looking at it this way, it might become a little bit easier to start dealing with the emotions of your current breakup. If you really look back on your life, you will realize that you once did this to someone else. And no matter how hurtful it was for the other person or how bad you felt about it – whether you did it in the nicest possible way or maybe you didn’t handle it so well – your reasons were your reasons. And regardless of their feelings you still broke up with them. There was probably nothing they could have done or said that would have changed your decision.  

So remember your previous experiences as you are going through your breakup. Remember your motivations and your reasons for what you did – and that at the end of the day, you did it because you did it. And now someone has broken up with you for whatever reasons they have or have not given you. Sometimes it’s just a matter of perspective. So after a while, instead of asking yourself why and being a victim of their decision – You need to say, “Why not?  What makes me or this relationship any more special than the relationship that I once broke up with?”

This concept can be applied to everything. Sometimes just turning something around and looking at it from a third eye or even from our own past experiences can really help with that turning point for you to get on the road to recovery. I know it’s difficult and I know for some of us it may have been years since they left us. But a lot of us have also left long-term relationships for our own reasons. So just remember what your reasons were and that there was nothing the other person could have done at the time to change your mind.

This type of thinking can help when dealing with this totally emotional journey that you're currently on. So the next time you find yourself asking  “Why?” remember to turn it around and say, “Why not?” 

Just say NO!

Just say NO!

I hear women say all the time that their ex, who was the one who decided he wanted out, is still sniffing around on occasion and…they are still falling for it and are continuing to sleep with him. Even though it’s been months since the breakup or divorce! When I ask why the most common answer is that they believe THIS time it’s because their ex has finally come to their senses and wants to come back

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How Much Longer

How Much Longer

Seriously, how many more days, weeks, or years are you going to let your past relationship(s)  stop you from living?  I hear my clients tell me that they have been out of a relationship for weeks or months and they are still wondering why it happened, why their exes seem to have given the best of themselves to their next relationship instead of them. They are trapped in the past.  They have a string of failed relationships and they don't understand why. Their friends are avoiding them.  Really?  I ask them what they have DONE. 

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11 Signs You May Not Be Ready to Date Yet

11 Signs You May Not Be Ready to Date Yet

Ready, Set,  STOP!!!!

Not everybody is ready to start dating right after a breakup.  The old adage of "Get under someone else to get over your Ex" is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself.  It's ok to take some time to heal. How long that takes will be different for everyone.  Don't feel guilty or like you "have to" just because it's been 3 months (or longer) or because all your friends and family are telling you that you need to start dating again. You decide your timing.

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Are you a Hopper?

Are you a Hopper?

What, or Who, is a Hopper you ask? 

A perfect example – Taylor Swift.  A Hopper is someone who goes from relationship to relationship without a break.  They love love, but they have a hard time holding onto it.  They move from relationship to relationship without missing a beat, but never find what they are looking for. Oftentimes the relationships are mirror images of each other – same situation, different guy.

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If This Was You...

If This Was You...

Recently I received a question, and while the question was personal and specific, it made me realize that the tactics to use are helpful to anyone in a breakup situation. 

What do you do when someone you love, like a friend, sister, daughter, or even mom, goes through a breakup? Even worse, what if you find out that there was abuse involved, whether physical or emotional?

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15 Reasons They Really Broke Up With Their Girlfriends...Seriously?

15 Reasons They Really Broke Up With Their Girlfriends...Seriously?

It sucks to be blindsided.  That moment when you are in the relationship, happy as can be and then BOOM! He breaks it off…No reason. No discussion. No seeing if you can work it out.  Nothing. Just Bye! What the heck? I am sure some people have had a “decent” reason to do it. Maybe they were dying. Maybe they had the an infectious disease.  But sometimes it is stupid. Like mind-numbingly stupid (See #13 below).

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No More Excuses!

No More Excuses!

You know, I hear this all the time, “ I'm lonely, I'm miserable, I don't have any friends, I’m broke…”

Well only YOU can change that. If you enjoy being miserable, sad and lonely then you shouldn't be reading this. If you really want to change, then you actually have to do something! You can continue to find excuses as to why you can't. There are a million!... 

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Humiliated or HELL NO!

Humiliated or HELL NO!

Here is the scenario:  Husband of many years is continuing an affair that he started a year ago. Wife and he have a 12 year old son . Every weekend said husband leaves and spends it with his girlfriend then back home for the week with his wife and son. The wife says she has accepted that this is her life now but wants to know why her husband continues to do this and she just wants it to stop. 

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Self What?

Self What?

One thing I hear a lot is how women struggle with getting  their self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image back after a breakup. A breakup can have a devastating effect to your ego. It can make you feel worthless and unlovable for months if not years. One client of mine said it felt like she was being "thrown away like a piece of garbage". This is especially true if they dumped you for someone else. 

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