Rebounding, Do You or Don't You?

I have two thoughts on that...we all know the saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else".  I'm not a big fan of that mainly because if it's too soon I think you end up feeling worse about yourself rather than better. And, truthfully, we don't need anything at this point that makes us feel worse about ourselves.  I've been told that it takes about half the time of your relationship to truly heal. So, if you take that in mind, and say you were in a 3-year relationship, you are looking at at least a year and a half to truly get through the process. And my fear has always been that my rebound guy would be "the guy" who I was always supposed to end up with. The experts say, "your rebound guy isn't the one that lasts".  Usually, you are using them to heal yourself in some way. They make you feel better and your self-esteem goes up.  I'm not saying that is a bad thing, but you also have to take into account their feelings about you. Are they really into you? Are they really what you are looking for in your next relationship? If they are, you might want to wait and check back in with them when you've really done your homework and feel like you can commit to that relationship, and go into it whole instead of using that relationship to make you feel better about your last one.  I think it's a tough thing. My opinion is that you shouldn't get into any type of serious relationship for at least 6 months to a year after you've ended your last one for all of the reasons that I stated above. Plus, you really need to figure out what it is that you want and what kind of person you want.  In some of my tips that you might already have gone through, there is one that says to make a list of what you don't want.  By now, you should be pretty aware of what you don't want out of your next relationship based on the last one. I know the school of thought is to make a list of what you want in your next relationship, I agree with that but I think you really need to start with what you don't want so that when you meet somebody and they have a lot of qualities on your don't-want need to run.  Don't walk, run quickly, or you are going to end up repeating the pattern. You also need to take the time to really figure out who you are, where you want to go, and who you want to be. You can't give to the next relationship everything it needs to survive and thrive if you are not clear as to what you want and until you are happy with who you are. That takes some work and it's painful, but it has to be done in order for you to really thrive going forward.  And that's what I'm all about for you - is making sure that you are whole first so you can have your next relationship be wonderful.  Maybe after you make your list of what you don't want, you need to really think about the character of the next person and what are your top 5 things they must have. You know, mine are probably different than yours, but I learned from my last relationship who they really weren't, as much as I had wanted them to be and continually made excuses for why they weren't that person. You don't want to admit possibly that you might have been seeing them and the relationship through rose-colored glasses.  That's why when people say to me three months out of a breakup that they have found this wonderful, fabulous person, I am always apprehensive for them because they may have, but I don't' think they've done the work they need to do yet. I think that's unfair in a new relationship if the other person is truly into you. Now, one night stands...I absolutely say stay away from those because in the long run it just makes you feel worse. Seriously, I don't know anybody who's woken up next to somebody they met the night before and felt good about themselves. Maybe at the moment it felt good, but I think down the road you just put yourself back in a self-esteem place that you don't want to be.  So really think about your next relationship and take some time to figure it all out before you jump in with both feet and end up with your heart broken or worse yet breaking somebody else's heart.