How Much Longer

Seriously, how many more days, weeks, or years are you going to let your past relationship(s)  stop you from living, from being happy?

I hear my clients tell me that they have been out of a relationship for weeks or months and they are still wondering why it happened, why their exes seem to have given the best of themselves to their next relationship instead of them.

They are trapped in the past.  

They have a string of failed relationships and they don't understand why.

Their friends are avoiding them.  Really?

I ask them what they have DONE.  

The "why" doesn't matter anymore.  What matters is them.  

What did you learn?  

Did you take responsibility for your part of the breakup?  

Did you learn from your mistakes?  Have you set boundaries?  

Have you written down, how you feel and why you feel it?  

Have you done ANYTHING?

Do you really want to move forward?  

I am surprised at how many people really don't.  They are so in the habit of being a victim of their break up that they continue to live that way and don't even realize it.

They are living angry, bitter and resentful.  This isn't living.  No one should ever have that kind of power of you, especially someone who didn't see your worth and value.

I ask them what they are getting out of it.  We all get something out of feeling the way we do. Whether it is negative or positive.

You need to take a look at those emotions and the why behind it.

You need to find ways to stop them.  

Let the hurt go.  Forgive yourself and them.

Stand up for yourself.  

Be classy.  

Be kind to yourself and others.  

Be better today than you were yesterday.  

When you get depressed ask yourself why?  

Introspection is uncomfortable but without it, you can't change.

What can you do about it?  There is no one way for every person. You are only hurting yourself by living in yesterday.  

It's OK to be alone and like it.  It's essential actually.  

If you can't stand being around yourself why would anyone else?

Decide what YOU want to change for you.  

Find someone who will help hold you accountable.

If you are uncomfortable talking to someone then try self-study that you can do at your own pace.  

Decide what you want to stand for.  

Quit letting your past dictate your future.  

Realize that YOU have the power.  Take it back.

Decide you want to live happily.  

Decide that no matter what, you are strong enough to get through it and overcome it.  

Get help if you need it.  There is no shame is asking for help.  

Give yourself permission to have bad moments but decide to not let them take over your day.

Decide to be present, for your kids, family, friends and most importantly YOU!