From Humiliated to HELL NO!
Here is the scenario: Husband of many years is continuing an affair that he started a year ago. Wife and he have a 12-year-old son . Every weekend said husband leaves and spends it with his girlfriend then back home for the week with his wife and son. The wife says she has accepted that this is her life now but wants to know why her husband continues to do this and she just wants it to stop.
I heard this story from a friend the other day who wanted my advice on what to say to her friend and I was floored! I couldn't believe that someone would put up with that for a day much less a year. I mean are you kidding me? I told her If your son or best friend came to you with this same story what advice would you be giving them. I am a firm believer in turning your issues into 3rd party questions in order to get some perspective. Having said that I will say that he won't stop, he has no reason to. Harsh? Absolutely! She has set no boundaries for herself or him. She has given her permission for a year for him to do this, that is why he is still doing it. He has it all. He isn't going to stop until she decides she is no longer going to live like this anymore. He may not stop seeing his girlfriend even then, but she won't have to live with it. She has the power here, she just needs to realize that. She needs to look at why she thinks it's ok to be treated like that. I understand the fear of change and that the thought of going through with a separation or divorce can be overwhelming but the cost to her of letting this continue is far greater. I know how this must make her feel inside. The humiliation of being cheated on is huge but down the road when she looks back and realizes she allowed it to continue and did nothing is going to be much harder to get past. The cheating is on him. She does not need to take responsibility for that. If she needs a reason to stand up she can do if for her son. He needs to see that she has self-respect and boundaries. He is learning that he doesn't need to respect her either. For that reason alone it is important to take a stand. She needs to take action. She needs to get him out of the house now! Pack his stuff for him, change the locks and say goodbye. He obviously has somewhere to go. It will be hard, but at the end of it all, I think she will be glad she took control of her life. At the end of the day, she needs to be able to look in the mirror and be proud of what she sees.