Did they really change or are they showing you who they were all along?


Did they really change or are they showing you who they were all along?

I can't believe they treated me X way!  They've changed into someone I don't even know anymore. 

Chances are they were always that way.  We just chose not to see it and even if we did see it we never thought they would do that do us.  We felt secure in that "love" bubble.  I'll bet that if you think back they told you stories of doing to someone else exactly what they are doing to you now.  Did they end their last relationship the same way they did yours?  If they did then we really shouldn't be surprised they are doing it to us too.  I know because I didn't think my ex would ever do to me what he did to his ex.  I felt safe.  Guess what, he did.  That is his character.  Most people don't change what they are.  If they are intrinsically mean then they will be mean to you when it suits their purpose.  If they are bullies they will bully you.  If they are kind and considerate then that is how they will treat you even in a breakup.   If they always make excuses as to why they behave that way and never take accountability for their actions don't expect them to start now.  What's crazy is we saw and know all this and still expected it to be different because it was us.  So my point is this.  Take this breakup as the hardest, best learning experience in your life!  This is why it is so important to find out who your partner really is before you get into a relationship with them.  Ask them about their relationship with the important women in their life mother, grandmother, sister.  How do they speak of them? What do they say about them behind their backs?  What is their tone?  How do they treat their friends?  Do they have friends?  What did the end of their other relationships look like?  How did they act?  Give them some "what would you do if" scenarios and LISTEN to the answer.  Do they just talk about doing or do they walk the walk?  Would you want your daughter, mother or best friend to date this person?  Do you know how many women have actually said that they would never want their daughters to date/marry someone like who they are dating/married!  It's like " did you hear what you just said" Why are they good enough for you then?  Pay attention to the red flags unless of course you are looking to repeat being treated the same way as you were in your last relationship.  If you are looking for someone with good character and morals, who is supportive, kind, generous, someone who is willing to work things out when the going gets rough, then these are the things you MUST ask and take a good hard look at.  You too must have these qualities.  If you are not someone who you would date or marry now is the time to work on being the best person you can be so you can attract the same in a partner.  All this can't be found out in 3 dates or even 3 months of dating.  It takes time for people to quit being on their best behavoir.  Rushing into a relationship to soon can put you right back to where you are right now. It's ok to take the time to see who they are before jumping in with both feet. The right guy is truly worth the wait.