Repeat or Run?

Relationships are not always fixable. I get a lot of emails and calls from people wondering if they should get back with their ex. They are confused about what they should do or how they should go about it. Some of them think they are trying to move on, but in the back of their minds they are just waiting for any chance to get back with their ex.

The thing is, most of them have no business even entertaining the idea of getting back with their ex. The relationship wasn’t what they want to believe it was and they are now seeing it through rose colored glasses. They need to be more honest with themselves and really figure out if getting back together is really what’s best.

Here are 10 things to think about before getting back with your ex.

1. It Didn’t Work Out The First Time Around. 
The past is the past, and most of the time you can’t or shouldn't get it back. 

2. Your Ex Probably Hasn’t Changed.  
Talk is cheap.  if you’re hearing a lot of talk from your ex about how much they have changed, look for the proof that they have.  It's really easy to say it but few people put the work into it.

3. Same Person = Same Story
If you get back together, there’s a good chance you will be headed for the same problems.  See #2 above. This is especially true if you have progressed and they haven't.

4. You May Get Too Comfortable Too Fast
You will skip the dating and getting to know each other again phase and your relationship might get too comfortable, too soon. Make it clear from the very beginning that you will have to take the time to get to know each other again as it pertains to your new relationship.

5. You’re Both Still Carrying Baggage From Your Past Relationship.  
All the bad things that happened - all the fights, hurt feelings, the same old annoyances start coming back and the bags you thought were empty start filling up again. FAST!

6. Trust Has Been Broken.  
Trust is one of the most if not THE most critical part of a relationship. It is difficult to fully trust someone again that has left you for whatever reason it was that they did. Unless you can be 100% in the relationship it is better to not be at all.

7.  Your Ex Never Respected You or the Relationship.  
There are a lot of things people can work through together, but without mutual respect you really have no relationship to begin with.

8.  You Aren't Really In Love With Your Ex, You’re Just Attached 
Your yearning to take your ex back isn’t because you are really still “in love” with them. A lot of the time it is just your way of holding on to the hope that you didn’t spend all that time and effort in the relationship and still got it wrong. Taking the time to really understand those reasons will make it clearer if you should even consider getting back with them. You have to stop getting caught up in what you think you want and get clear on what you really need.

9. Dating Is Not Going Well
Dating is not for the faint of heart, but just like finding a new job isn’t fun, those are necessary growing pains in order for you to find something you’re excited about again. If you think that they were the best that you could get, have more faith than that. Your ex was in your life for a reason, it was very likely that being in that relationship is what shaped you into who you both are now in order to attract your ultimate partner.  If you're going back to your ex because it seems like the easy option, remember that nobody wants to be the person you settled for.

10. When Your Gut Knows You Shouldn’t
When your gut/intuition is shouting at the top of its lungs at you “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING”? Listen!!!!!