Toxic Relationships are like a roller coaster that just won’t stop. The highs are amazing but those lows are awful, and seem never-ending. Everyone has known someone on this vicious ride, and while it may seem like they should know better, and that they are better than that, they are stuck.
What kinds of things might be considered toxic? Controlling, jealousy, verbal and/or physical abuse, cheating, lying, narcissism, and manipulation are just a few of the key things that can happen. There tends to be an underlying theme of insecurity in these relationships as well.
There are many reason why someone might choose to stay in a toxic situation. One is that they are afraid. Afraid of being alone. What if they never find anyone else? This thought can catapult a person right back into the arms of their poison. Another major fear is that fear of losing “the one”. Even though it is obvious to all of the bystanders usually, when they start trying to get over them, those rose-colored glasses come on and all of a sudden they look so much better than they were, and the bad times are miraculously forgotten for the moment.
Another main reason can be that they may not want the person, but they don’t want them with anyone else either. You know how it goes. You break up with someone, and then see them flirting or dating and it makes you crazy. You have to have them back! These scenarios play over and over in these situations.
Which leads to another cause…DRAMA! Some people live on drama! We all have those people in our lives who have so much drama, it’s exhausting to the rest of us. But some people thrive on that. If there is not drama, they feel lost, lonely, and depressed. Also, they seem to get into that “we got through it together” thought process. Which just starts the cycle over again.
Most of the time, people who are drawn to drama are also very insecure. This person loves them and accepts them, even though they go through all this. What if no one else finds them attractive, or likes them? What if the never find someone else? We all know that is most likely not the case, but when you are in the moment, it can seem skewed.
Another huge fear is that fear of starting all over. Being alone. Having to get to know yourself again. Having to forget this person who has been a part of their life. It can be overwhelming to some. These people can believe that being in this situation is a lot better than starting the grueling process of dating again.
As you start to recognize these situations, hopefully you can get a glimpse of what is driving the relationship for the person. If you can understand, you can potentially help them start to see the light. Just be careful…they have the potential to become angry with you if they are not ready to see the situation for what it is.